Bb There's a girl there on the dance floor Ab Eb And I don't know how to greet her Ab Bb Now heterosexuality's Ab Eb Not my defining feature Gm They said skinny jeans and cardigans C Were the only way to go Eb But it seems that Oxfam employees Ebm Are not the ones who know just how it works Give me a minute While I fiddle with my hair Cause you keep telling me that it looks fine But I'm the one who cares About a good impression being made Cause I'm the one who might get laid Don't tell me how the game is played Don't tell me how the game is played D Gm And I don't want to talk to her and take her hand D Gm In case she tells me her favourite band is not my favourite band D How would I know which drink she'd want me to buy Gm When do I look her in the eye Eb When did the indie music scene become so over-fussed Ebm With social inadequacy being such a must Don't knock me to the ground If I'm already falling It'll only make things worse you know I always knew my calling was the stage This evening's filling me with rage I only wish I had some sage advice to give me The indie handbook volume three would read Show girls you fancy them By getting with their boyfriends Replace your party loving mates With awkward, greasy, coy friends Who like listening to Sonic Youth You always must appear aloof Remember no amount of faking Will make your indie band groundbreaking Don't think you're special or much less of a disgrace Just because you've got yourself a lady who plays bass Don't bother finding somebody to play descant recorder Yeah that won’t put you back in working order You haven't got a different sound You aren't part of the underground You haven't been together long So try to write some bloody decent songs The girl's outside now Talking to a taxi driver If she were coming home with me It'd only cost a fiver to my door I'd talk to her but I am sure She must've heard it all before from guys Oh I could cry That's probably the reason why She's dressed just like a lesbian I hear it's quite a craze You can hardly move in pubs For all the lesbians these days But it hardly matters if she's gay It's time to move on anyway I'll see you guys here half past ten Tomorrow evening, do it all again